I am very excited for the changes to come. Tonight I got ready for work and looked in the mirror at this woman with such cute hair and a beautiful face, but the body leaves so much to be desired. It is lumpy and round and, well, just plain large.
I stood there a minute thinking about the changes that will be happening to my body. How will this face and hair look on a thinner me? I am excited to see what the next year brings. The "honeymoon" period as they call it. I am excited to morph into the person I am meant to be. The thinner and healthier me. The one with energy and a smile that lights up a room. The one with the handsome husband who can't take his eyes off her. That will be me!
I hope the person on the inside stays the same. The bubbly, friendly, happy person that makes people laugh and smile. I hope I don't become a skinny bitch. I won't like myself if that happens. I just won't let it happen.
So, we are 22 days to surgery and my excitement is building. I know it will be hard work, but I also know I can do it. I know that the liquid diet will get tedious and stressful, but I have a support team and I have family and I have the dogs and all will help me through it.
Off to work, but more later.
hugs,
Cody
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Surgery is scheduled
I wanted to post this sooner, but I think blogger was down or my computer at work just won't let me do it. Anyway, my surgery is scheduled for the 16th of December!
I have already scheduled my H&P and my class that I have to take on nutrition, so next is stocking up on things I can have in my 10 day liquid diet phase before surgery and more of the same after. It's funny because I thought liquid diet meant juice and protein shakes and broth, but I can have yogurt and cream of wheat and cream soups. That certainly adds some more variety to it for me. I will do what I am told and will find ways to keep it somewhat interesting. I am not willing to screw this up, so if it gets boring, then so be it.
More to come later. I'm very excited and I can't wait to start my new life.
Cody
I have already scheduled my H&P and my class that I have to take on nutrition, so next is stocking up on things I can have in my 10 day liquid diet phase before surgery and more of the same after. It's funny because I thought liquid diet meant juice and protein shakes and broth, but I can have yogurt and cream of wheat and cream soups. That certainly adds some more variety to it for me. I will do what I am told and will find ways to keep it somewhat interesting. I am not willing to screw this up, so if it gets boring, then so be it.
More to come later. I'm very excited and I can't wait to start my new life.
Cody
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Surgeon's visit is on Tuesday. That is only 3 days away. I'm gathering a list of questions I need to ask him so that I am informed. I know what would happen if I didn't write them down...I would forget them at home.
I have been watching a lot of videos on Youtube that are posted by other people who have had this operation and I have to say, they are mind blowing. Women who are brave enough to show their skin. All of the loose skin that is left after they have reached their goal weight. It will definitely be an adjustment to have loose skin like that and resemble a sharpei, but when I look at the alternative of wearing the bigger clothing and feeling so uncomfortable in my skin now, I know it will be ok. I just can't imagine myself with that flat stomach and the defined muscles and being in a size 7 pants. Wow. It is going to become a reality soon. Crazy.
I can't wait to be able to take Ashleigh (my foster dog) for a run. I loved to run in high school and with all this weight I can't do it. I can't wait to be able to do that again. Ashleigh will love it and I will too.
I bought a weight bench, an elliptical, and a mountain bike recently. My husband set the stuff up in the basement for me so it is like we have our own gym. I can't wait to get started really goin to town on it. It is discouraging right now because I can only be on the elliptical for about 3 minutes before I want to die, but I push myself to go longer. I know eventually I will be able to be on there for an hour, but that's a ways down the road.
I am going to start stocking my cupboards this next week too. I have to get protein shakes and broth and clear sugar free drinks and stuff all lined up so that I'm prepared. I need to pack my hospital bag and make sure my house is ready and that we are stocked up on groceries and dog supplies. Tim is going to be taking the week off when I have surgery so I will have someone here to care for me. I am sure that it will be painful, but also an emotional hit too. You go from being able to eat to being liquid only. I am sure there will be a mourning process. I will get through it. I am prepared. I have Nathan in my corner (my therapist) and I have Tim here and my family and friends. Also, I have the dogs and everyone knows a puppy kiss fixes almost anything.
Hopefully I will get a good surgery date on Tuesday and hopefully it will be for sooner rather than later because I'm antsy. I'm ready to get the show on the road. It's been a long journey so far, but it's been the right way to do it. I don't recommend that anyone get this surgery without a lot of soul searching and a lot of research. Not just research about the procedure, but about living life after. Read other people's blogs, watch their videos, join a support group and talk to people. It is a huge life change and it is one that happens in a matter of minutes and you are thrust into it. It's not like going to the gym and working your way up to the one hour on the cross trainer. It's going to the gym and jumping on for an hour and not being able to go back. It isn't reversible. I go to sleep able to eat a whole steak and I wake up able to drink an ounce of water. Big change. I'm glad I had the time to realize that and all of the other things I've learned along the way.
I will post more later and will be sure to include a surgery date on Tuesday so check back. I noticed a lot of hits on the blog counter, so you are reading it. I appreciate it. I need all the support I can get and to know that you care enough to read this means the world to me. I love you all!
Cody
I have been watching a lot of videos on Youtube that are posted by other people who have had this operation and I have to say, they are mind blowing. Women who are brave enough to show their skin. All of the loose skin that is left after they have reached their goal weight. It will definitely be an adjustment to have loose skin like that and resemble a sharpei, but when I look at the alternative of wearing the bigger clothing and feeling so uncomfortable in my skin now, I know it will be ok. I just can't imagine myself with that flat stomach and the defined muscles and being in a size 7 pants. Wow. It is going to become a reality soon. Crazy.
I can't wait to be able to take Ashleigh (my foster dog) for a run. I loved to run in high school and with all this weight I can't do it. I can't wait to be able to do that again. Ashleigh will love it and I will too.
I bought a weight bench, an elliptical, and a mountain bike recently. My husband set the stuff up in the basement for me so it is like we have our own gym. I can't wait to get started really goin to town on it. It is discouraging right now because I can only be on the elliptical for about 3 minutes before I want to die, but I push myself to go longer. I know eventually I will be able to be on there for an hour, but that's a ways down the road.
I am going to start stocking my cupboards this next week too. I have to get protein shakes and broth and clear sugar free drinks and stuff all lined up so that I'm prepared. I need to pack my hospital bag and make sure my house is ready and that we are stocked up on groceries and dog supplies. Tim is going to be taking the week off when I have surgery so I will have someone here to care for me. I am sure that it will be painful, but also an emotional hit too. You go from being able to eat to being liquid only. I am sure there will be a mourning process. I will get through it. I am prepared. I have Nathan in my corner (my therapist) and I have Tim here and my family and friends. Also, I have the dogs and everyone knows a puppy kiss fixes almost anything.
Hopefully I will get a good surgery date on Tuesday and hopefully it will be for sooner rather than later because I'm antsy. I'm ready to get the show on the road. It's been a long journey so far, but it's been the right way to do it. I don't recommend that anyone get this surgery without a lot of soul searching and a lot of research. Not just research about the procedure, but about living life after. Read other people's blogs, watch their videos, join a support group and talk to people. It is a huge life change and it is one that happens in a matter of minutes and you are thrust into it. It's not like going to the gym and working your way up to the one hour on the cross trainer. It's going to the gym and jumping on for an hour and not being able to go back. It isn't reversible. I go to sleep able to eat a whole steak and I wake up able to drink an ounce of water. Big change. I'm glad I had the time to realize that and all of the other things I've learned along the way.
I will post more later and will be sure to include a surgery date on Tuesday so check back. I noticed a lot of hits on the blog counter, so you are reading it. I appreciate it. I need all the support I can get and to know that you care enough to read this means the world to me. I love you all!
Cody
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Welcome. This blog will serve as both a way for my family and friends to see how I'm doing when I maybe don't feel like talking or I don't check in like I should and also as my journal since I hate hand writing things because I get so long winded and then I end up with a sore arm.
As many people know, I am having bariatric surgery to help me lose weight. I've gotten a lot of positive comments from friends who are super supportive and excited for me and then there are the others who are quick to judge and feel that this isn't the way to go. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and this isn't the way that everyone should go about losing weight. I don't get upset or angry about the negative opinions and I know that it is probably just the beginning.
This will likely be a long post because it is my first and I have so many things running through my mind this morning. I've been reading a lot of other blogs by people who have taken this journey and they have caused more questions than answers but I think that is a good thing.
I've been horribly emotional this past few days. I'm not sure if that is because this journey of almost a year so far is really just beginning or if it is because I have fears about the future or what it is. I know, if I have fears, why am I doing this? Well, it's not the kind of fear you would think of. I'm not scared of the pain of surgery or the risks, I'm fearful of the person I will become and the changes in my social groups and the risk of losing friends. I'm fearful of not being the "funny girl" who is able to joke and laugh at things. I'm scared that I won't be able to buy clothes that I like or that I won't fit in at family gatherings because I will be the one eating a tiny amount while everyone else is loading up on seconds or that people will just not invite me out for lunches or dinners because I "can't eat". Sounds silly, but for some people, this is what happens.
I am excited too because I know that soon I will be able to jog and then eventually RUN again. I will be able to ride in an airplane and not have to sheepishly ask for a seatbelt extender. I will be able to fit in cute clothing and will be able to look at myself in the mirror, and instead of feeling like a fat failure, I will be in awe of how far I've come. I will be able to sit on my husbands lap again and will be able to cross my legs. I will be able to ride a bicycle and go for long walks with my dogs. I will be able to fit into a booth at a restaurant or bar and won't feel wedged in or fearful that I won't fit at all. I will be able to use a public restroom (ok, not really a bonus), but I will be able to do it without worrying that the toilet isn't going to fall off the wall. I will be able to put on my shoes without breaking a sweat and having to hold my breath. I will be able to wear a pretty dress and see my husband look at me like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I will be able to live again.
Now, to those of you who will say "she's taking the EASY way out of weight loss" I want to point out the risks and then you can tell me if it is still something you feel is EASY. The surgery I have chosen is the roux-en-y gastric bypass surgery. This comes with the normal surgical risks of excessive bleeding, infection, blood clots, pneumonia, not being able to do it via laparoscopy, the risk of the anesthesia, and much more. This operation specifically re-routes your intestines, re-sizes your stomach, reduces the amount of calories and nutrients your body absorbs, runs the risk of dehydration, can lead to bowel obstructions, limits the foods you can eat, and is not by any means fool proof. I must still exercise and I must still choose healthy foods to eat. This isn't a cake and cheeseburger and still lose weight diet. It is a "go ahead and eat some cake and suffer the dumping syndrome and be miserable" diet. It is a week and a half of pain from a major operation and then working for the rest of my life to reach and maintain goal. Easy? Not a chance. That is the one opinion that I am NOT ok with.
I have tried losing weight the regular ways. Weight watchers, the gym for over a year and six days a week for no less than an hour and a half a day. Counting calories. Starving myself. Nothing helped me lose any significant numbers. What I did lose, I put right back on.
I have to say, I have been in the program for almost a year. I started this last December and the psychological evaluation is what stopped it for me and made it a longer process. My therapist did not feel that I was a good candidate at the time and I was pissed. Little did I know that what he was actually giving me was a gift...the gift of time. Time to research more. Time to learn. Time to prepare. Time to gather recipes and talk to previous patients and to make sure I was ready for this extreme change in my daily life. There isn't a single day that this surgery won't affect me and the way I live.
I should be taking my "before" pictures. I just can't bring myself to get in front of the camera wearing only my underwear and a smile. It is hard enough seeing myself in the mirror, but to have a photo of myself? Ugh. Not a pleasant thought. I will get it done, but I'm not thrilled.
I meet with my surgeon next Tuesday, the 19th of November, at 11:15 am. I am beyond nervous. Is he going to want me in my unders and a paper gown? Will I have to let a man see me without clothing on to cover up my body? OMG, I rarely, if ever, let my own husband see me that way. So vulnerable. I know it is another necessary thing I've got to do if I want to forge ahead so I will just suck it up and do it.
I am inviting you, if you're reading this, to follow my progress and my journey. I will continue to post as I have information or inspiration or even a bad day. I hope you'll leave comments and I hope you'll be fair and kind.
OK, this is all I've got for now. I will always be CODY. I will just be a better version of me. :)
Hugs and love.
As many people know, I am having bariatric surgery to help me lose weight. I've gotten a lot of positive comments from friends who are super supportive and excited for me and then there are the others who are quick to judge and feel that this isn't the way to go. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and this isn't the way that everyone should go about losing weight. I don't get upset or angry about the negative opinions and I know that it is probably just the beginning.
This will likely be a long post because it is my first and I have so many things running through my mind this morning. I've been reading a lot of other blogs by people who have taken this journey and they have caused more questions than answers but I think that is a good thing.
I've been horribly emotional this past few days. I'm not sure if that is because this journey of almost a year so far is really just beginning or if it is because I have fears about the future or what it is. I know, if I have fears, why am I doing this? Well, it's not the kind of fear you would think of. I'm not scared of the pain of surgery or the risks, I'm fearful of the person I will become and the changes in my social groups and the risk of losing friends. I'm fearful of not being the "funny girl" who is able to joke and laugh at things. I'm scared that I won't be able to buy clothes that I like or that I won't fit in at family gatherings because I will be the one eating a tiny amount while everyone else is loading up on seconds or that people will just not invite me out for lunches or dinners because I "can't eat". Sounds silly, but for some people, this is what happens.
I am excited too because I know that soon I will be able to jog and then eventually RUN again. I will be able to ride in an airplane and not have to sheepishly ask for a seatbelt extender. I will be able to fit in cute clothing and will be able to look at myself in the mirror, and instead of feeling like a fat failure, I will be in awe of how far I've come. I will be able to sit on my husbands lap again and will be able to cross my legs. I will be able to ride a bicycle and go for long walks with my dogs. I will be able to fit into a booth at a restaurant or bar and won't feel wedged in or fearful that I won't fit at all. I will be able to use a public restroom (ok, not really a bonus), but I will be able to do it without worrying that the toilet isn't going to fall off the wall. I will be able to put on my shoes without breaking a sweat and having to hold my breath. I will be able to wear a pretty dress and see my husband look at me like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I will be able to live again.
Now, to those of you who will say "she's taking the EASY way out of weight loss" I want to point out the risks and then you can tell me if it is still something you feel is EASY. The surgery I have chosen is the roux-en-y gastric bypass surgery. This comes with the normal surgical risks of excessive bleeding, infection, blood clots, pneumonia, not being able to do it via laparoscopy, the risk of the anesthesia, and much more. This operation specifically re-routes your intestines, re-sizes your stomach, reduces the amount of calories and nutrients your body absorbs, runs the risk of dehydration, can lead to bowel obstructions, limits the foods you can eat, and is not by any means fool proof. I must still exercise and I must still choose healthy foods to eat. This isn't a cake and cheeseburger and still lose weight diet. It is a "go ahead and eat some cake and suffer the dumping syndrome and be miserable" diet. It is a week and a half of pain from a major operation and then working for the rest of my life to reach and maintain goal. Easy? Not a chance. That is the one opinion that I am NOT ok with.
I have tried losing weight the regular ways. Weight watchers, the gym for over a year and six days a week for no less than an hour and a half a day. Counting calories. Starving myself. Nothing helped me lose any significant numbers. What I did lose, I put right back on.
I have to say, I have been in the program for almost a year. I started this last December and the psychological evaluation is what stopped it for me and made it a longer process. My therapist did not feel that I was a good candidate at the time and I was pissed. Little did I know that what he was actually giving me was a gift...the gift of time. Time to research more. Time to learn. Time to prepare. Time to gather recipes and talk to previous patients and to make sure I was ready for this extreme change in my daily life. There isn't a single day that this surgery won't affect me and the way I live.
I should be taking my "before" pictures. I just can't bring myself to get in front of the camera wearing only my underwear and a smile. It is hard enough seeing myself in the mirror, but to have a photo of myself? Ugh. Not a pleasant thought. I will get it done, but I'm not thrilled.
I meet with my surgeon next Tuesday, the 19th of November, at 11:15 am. I am beyond nervous. Is he going to want me in my unders and a paper gown? Will I have to let a man see me without clothing on to cover up my body? OMG, I rarely, if ever, let my own husband see me that way. So vulnerable. I know it is another necessary thing I've got to do if I want to forge ahead so I will just suck it up and do it.
I am inviting you, if you're reading this, to follow my progress and my journey. I will continue to post as I have information or inspiration or even a bad day. I hope you'll leave comments and I hope you'll be fair and kind.
OK, this is all I've got for now. I will always be CODY. I will just be a better version of me. :)
Hugs and love.
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