Yesterday turned into an absolute nightmare. I had decided upon waking that I would be pain medicine free for the day. I ended up not drinking my protein shake for breakfast because of the gas pains. I got emotional. I ended up calling my doctor about what I could do about the pain and he said to try Pepto. I hated having to call, but I just couldn't get it to go away.
Anyway, I decided to try eating again and mixed some Cappuccino protein powder in my French vanilla pudding (sounds delicious, right?) well, too much powder makes the pudding taste absolutely barfy and I turned to get a drink of water and dropped the bowl of pudding and the glass of water on the floor which created a splatter all over my sofa, the wall, the pillows, and my husbands electronics that are right there. I did my best to squat down and try to clean it up and burst into tears and just sat there feeling defeated and sobbing like a baby. This was a loud and violent sob complete with giant giant tears. Tim comes back downstairs and sees me sitting there with snot running and just devastated over this stupid bowl of pudding and finds that to top it off, I can't get back up off the floor without his help, which he gladly did.
Seriously? I think this journey, regardless of how prepared you are, is a hard one. I went through a year of therapy to prepare and I am still a mess.
Anyway, I finally gave in and took my pain medication which helped. Tim and I took a nap and when we woke up we went on an outing to Home Depot and Walmart. It felt great to be out in the world again and this morning I woke up with a new outlook and feeling pretty darn great. I cleaned the kitchen and Tim warned that I was going to over do it, but I assured him I would pace myself. Plus, I took my pain medicine. :) Won't try to be superwoman again and as soon as I type this, I'm taking a nap.
Oh, I discovered 98% fat free cheddar broccoli soup. DELISH! Strained it and am in heaven!
Hope you all have a fantastic day!
Hugs and Love,
Cody
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Saturday, December 21, 2013
6 days post surgery
Haven't updated since the morning before surgery because, well, I've felt like death. I was all hopped up on pain meds in the hospital and then went home on Wednesday and had a fever Thursday and slept something like 18 hours straight and then was still having a lot of pain on Friday. This surgery is no silliness. It's very intense and comes with some serious pain. I'm struggling with burp pain. My pouch feels like it's full of air, even when I haven't eaten anything which is not exactly painful, but more horribly uncomfortable.
My senses are heightened. I can smell things that I couldn't smell before. This, I'm sure, will end up being a bad thing because I already had a heightened sense of smell and now it's worse. My husband had four beers last night and I can smell the stale beer smell on his breath as I type and I'm sitting almost six feet away from him. This is no bueno.
I'm not sure if I've lost any weight because I don't have a scale with a battery in it. Isn't that ironic?! HAHA! It's kind of funny. I will work on that today. I would like to know but don't want to feel discouraged either. There is still swelling and I'm sure that will add to the weight.
I don't regret my decision yet, so that's something. I just feel like the recovery has been worse than I thought it would be. I think I should have taken into account that it is a major operation, I'm almost 42, and I somehow thought I was superwoman (turns out I'm not).
Anyway, I will keep updating as we go and hopefully I will end up with favorable results for all the pain.
Oh, and when you leave the hospital, make sure you're not high as a kite when you pack. I left my laptop cord and my cell phone charger both at the hospital. UGH.
Happy Holidays,
Cody
My senses are heightened. I can smell things that I couldn't smell before. This, I'm sure, will end up being a bad thing because I already had a heightened sense of smell and now it's worse. My husband had four beers last night and I can smell the stale beer smell on his breath as I type and I'm sitting almost six feet away from him. This is no bueno.
I'm not sure if I've lost any weight because I don't have a scale with a battery in it. Isn't that ironic?! HAHA! It's kind of funny. I will work on that today. I would like to know but don't want to feel discouraged either. There is still swelling and I'm sure that will add to the weight.
I don't regret my decision yet, so that's something. I just feel like the recovery has been worse than I thought it would be. I think I should have taken into account that it is a major operation, I'm almost 42, and I somehow thought I was superwoman (turns out I'm not).
Anyway, I will keep updating as we go and hopefully I will end up with favorable results for all the pain.
Oh, and when you leave the hospital, make sure you're not high as a kite when you pack. I left my laptop cord and my cell phone charger both at the hospital. UGH.
Happy Holidays,
Cody
Monday, December 16, 2013
It's here!!
Today is the day. I should be sleeping because I worked all night, but I just can't seem to do it. I'm anxious. I want the clock to spin faster so that we can get there and I can get on with my journey.
My days of being a slave to food are done. Gone. Over. Finished.
I have my bag packed and am hoping for a great experience, of course, surgery is never fun, but it is for the greater good.
Thank you to everyone who has texted me or messaged me to wish me luck. I feel stronger because of you.
Hugs,
Cody
My days of being a slave to food are done. Gone. Over. Finished.
I have my bag packed and am hoping for a great experience, of course, surgery is never fun, but it is for the greater good.
Thank you to everyone who has texted me or messaged me to wish me luck. I feel stronger because of you.
Hugs,
Cody
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Not smoking
Today I feel that I must address the not smoking portion of the bariatric surgery topic. This is information you need regardless of the surgery option you choose.
I was a smoker. I smoked a little, like 4 or 5 cigarettes a day for many years. I enjoy a good glass of wine and when I would have that, I would easily increase the smoking to half a pack or more. So when I decided to have surgery I had to quit smoking. Easy? NO.
I had talked to my brother and my therapist and they both told me about the vaporizers. I finally broke down and bought one. So, here is what I have to say about the vaporizer and how it has helped me.
I went to a little store in Omaha, NE called Plumes off 120th and Dodge and purchased a starter kit for 29.99 which is the vaporizer unit with a charger and a case. I also bought a bottle of zero mg flavoring. I got the beetlejuice flavor which is a delightful fruity flavor. Anyway, it is basically sugar water that is thick like a nectar. Now, most people would buy this with nicotine, but you can get it nicotine free, which is what I did.
This contraption is a lifesaver. I haven't touched a cigarette since I got it. My husband has also managed to quit and is now a vaporizer "smoker". He got the flavor called mint thol. It is a minty menthol flavor with no nicotine. Amazing amazing amazing.
So you inhale the flavored sugar water and exhale a vapor that resembled smoke. It really does give you that hand to mouth satisfaction that smoking used to provide. I have absolutely no desire to smoke and love the way I feel.
If you have surgery and decide to smoke again, I want you to be forewarned that you WILL end up in the hospital. The smoking will cause lesions and ulcers and you will bleed. It isn't a pleasant thing and if you end up with a bleeding ulcer, you can end up having your surgery reversed, that is unless you have had the gastric sleeve and then you're just screwed. Sorry to be so blunt, but it is the reality.
So, get a vaporizer and quit smoking. It is your life and your future and did you really just go through an operation just to screw it all up? No, not likely.
Ok, I'm off my soapbox about smoking.
So, my surgery is on only 4 days and I'm more excited than ever. My friend Jackie brought me a big box filled with samples and containers to measure serving sizes. I'm so blessed to have friends that I can count on and that love me so much. Jackie, if you're reading this, I love you and I'm so glad you're in my life.
I am going to go for now, but I will blog more at another time.
Hugs,
Cody
I was a smoker. I smoked a little, like 4 or 5 cigarettes a day for many years. I enjoy a good glass of wine and when I would have that, I would easily increase the smoking to half a pack or more. So when I decided to have surgery I had to quit smoking. Easy? NO.
I had talked to my brother and my therapist and they both told me about the vaporizers. I finally broke down and bought one. So, here is what I have to say about the vaporizer and how it has helped me.
I went to a little store in Omaha, NE called Plumes off 120th and Dodge and purchased a starter kit for 29.99 which is the vaporizer unit with a charger and a case. I also bought a bottle of zero mg flavoring. I got the beetlejuice flavor which is a delightful fruity flavor. Anyway, it is basically sugar water that is thick like a nectar. Now, most people would buy this with nicotine, but you can get it nicotine free, which is what I did.
This contraption is a lifesaver. I haven't touched a cigarette since I got it. My husband has also managed to quit and is now a vaporizer "smoker". He got the flavor called mint thol. It is a minty menthol flavor with no nicotine. Amazing amazing amazing.
So you inhale the flavored sugar water and exhale a vapor that resembled smoke. It really does give you that hand to mouth satisfaction that smoking used to provide. I have absolutely no desire to smoke and love the way I feel.
If you have surgery and decide to smoke again, I want you to be forewarned that you WILL end up in the hospital. The smoking will cause lesions and ulcers and you will bleed. It isn't a pleasant thing and if you end up with a bleeding ulcer, you can end up having your surgery reversed, that is unless you have had the gastric sleeve and then you're just screwed. Sorry to be so blunt, but it is the reality.
So, get a vaporizer and quit smoking. It is your life and your future and did you really just go through an operation just to screw it all up? No, not likely.
Ok, I'm off my soapbox about smoking.
So, my surgery is on only 4 days and I'm more excited than ever. My friend Jackie brought me a big box filled with samples and containers to measure serving sizes. I'm so blessed to have friends that I can count on and that love me so much. Jackie, if you're reading this, I love you and I'm so glad you're in my life.
I am going to go for now, but I will blog more at another time.
Hugs,
Cody
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Winter Wonderland
Well, it is December in Nebraska, so that means snow. This leads me to think about the future. Surgery is in 8 short days. I will need to exercise after surgery. Walking seems to be a good form of low impact exercise and a good way to get started. BUT, in the snow? I'm not so sure about this when I consider that since I've stopped eating solids I am already freezing to death when bundled up INSIDE, so the thought of walking in 9 degree weather isn't really all that appealing.
I am lucky enough to work in a hospital with a large ER where I can walk laps, so the weather shouldn't be an issue and since I work 5 nights a week, that gives me plenty of time to get the heart pumping. So, how does one do this if they are not working and maybe can't afford a gym membership or don't have anywhere to walk? I worry about people that have these problems or that use them as a reason not to walk. I used to be one of those people. I could always find a reason not to go to the gym or not to walk the dogs. No more. I am now the person who finds the positive in things and finds a way to make it work.
For example, I worked my first night on the liquid diet last night. It went shockingly well. I didn't crave a single thing. I ate my cream of wheat with sugar free maple syrup, two sugar free pudding cups, and then right before I got off work, I drank my protein shake. I felt full and satisfied all night. The vending machine? Well, I watched coworkers go to the evil box of salt and disappointment, and I never felt like I needed to pay it a visit. Such a good feeling to be conquering the obsession with food.
As I type this, my husband is sitting beside me eating lasagna. He has been so sweet and hiding his plate or not wanting to eat foods that he knows I like. I told him that as long as he doesn't eat pizza, we will be just fine. HA! Anyway, I had my cream of chicken soup and I feel full and while his lasagna smells good, I don't want any of it. Success, she shall be mine.
I am off to take a nap since I work the overnights, but I will write more soon. If you're reading this you are either one of my very very dear friends or someone who has stumbled onto this blog. Either way, I am thankful that you read it. I am really finding this blog to be a place to vent and to talk stuff out that is part of this journey. I know a lot of you don't understand, but knowing that you care enough to read this means the world to me. I appreciate you.
Thank you and have a great day!!! Remember, you can do whatever you set your mind to!
Hugs,
Cody
I am lucky enough to work in a hospital with a large ER where I can walk laps, so the weather shouldn't be an issue and since I work 5 nights a week, that gives me plenty of time to get the heart pumping. So, how does one do this if they are not working and maybe can't afford a gym membership or don't have anywhere to walk? I worry about people that have these problems or that use them as a reason not to walk. I used to be one of those people. I could always find a reason not to go to the gym or not to walk the dogs. No more. I am now the person who finds the positive in things and finds a way to make it work.
For example, I worked my first night on the liquid diet last night. It went shockingly well. I didn't crave a single thing. I ate my cream of wheat with sugar free maple syrup, two sugar free pudding cups, and then right before I got off work, I drank my protein shake. I felt full and satisfied all night. The vending machine? Well, I watched coworkers go to the evil box of salt and disappointment, and I never felt like I needed to pay it a visit. Such a good feeling to be conquering the obsession with food.
As I type this, my husband is sitting beside me eating lasagna. He has been so sweet and hiding his plate or not wanting to eat foods that he knows I like. I told him that as long as he doesn't eat pizza, we will be just fine. HA! Anyway, I had my cream of chicken soup and I feel full and while his lasagna smells good, I don't want any of it. Success, she shall be mine.
I am off to take a nap since I work the overnights, but I will write more soon. If you're reading this you are either one of my very very dear friends or someone who has stumbled onto this blog. Either way, I am thankful that you read it. I am really finding this blog to be a place to vent and to talk stuff out that is part of this journey. I know a lot of you don't understand, but knowing that you care enough to read this means the world to me. I appreciate you.
Thank you and have a great day!!! Remember, you can do whatever you set your mind to!
Hugs,
Cody
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Liquid Diet Day 2
I am on day 2 of this dreaded liquid diet. I actually have had a decent day. I had cream of wheat with sugar free maple syrup, which turned out to be quite delicious.
I had an Atkins chocolate protein shake, also delicious. I had a sugar free vanilla pudding cup... three for three on the delicious scale. I did have a cup of chicken broth that was sodium free and felt that was not as delightful as it could have been and I had a carnation breakfast shake that was sugar free and I felt I would have gotten more flavor out of a stack of paper. But all in all, not a bad day and not craving anything.
I will say that quitting food is like quitting smoking. I'm a raging lunatic. I nag and nag and I am crabby. I am sure it will get better, at least I hope it does because my husband is just about tired of me.
I spend more time in the bathroom than I did when I was able to eat real food. I am sure it is because there is just no substance when you're drinking your meals. I really dislike this part the most. Oh well, it is what it is.
I know that in the long run, things that I do today that I may not enjoy will be worth it and I won't have to do them anymore. Also, when you think of the prep for a colonoscopy, this is way better. I can tell you that from experience. HAHA!
Off to work for the night. I have my lunch box packed with all of my special runny goodies. The vending machine will be muted tonight. I will NOT let it call to me. I will be strong and brave. After all, only 7 days left after tonight, and I will be at the finish line. Surgery will be done and I will be happy to have the new beginning.
Hugs,
Cody
I had an Atkins chocolate protein shake, also delicious. I had a sugar free vanilla pudding cup... three for three on the delicious scale. I did have a cup of chicken broth that was sodium free and felt that was not as delightful as it could have been and I had a carnation breakfast shake that was sugar free and I felt I would have gotten more flavor out of a stack of paper. But all in all, not a bad day and not craving anything.
I will say that quitting food is like quitting smoking. I'm a raging lunatic. I nag and nag and I am crabby. I am sure it will get better, at least I hope it does because my husband is just about tired of me.
I spend more time in the bathroom than I did when I was able to eat real food. I am sure it is because there is just no substance when you're drinking your meals. I really dislike this part the most. Oh well, it is what it is.
I know that in the long run, things that I do today that I may not enjoy will be worth it and I won't have to do them anymore. Also, when you think of the prep for a colonoscopy, this is way better. I can tell you that from experience. HAHA!
Off to work for the night. I have my lunch box packed with all of my special runny goodies. The vending machine will be muted tonight. I will NOT let it call to me. I will be strong and brave. After all, only 7 days left after tonight, and I will be at the finish line. Surgery will be done and I will be happy to have the new beginning.
Hugs,
Cody
Friday, December 6, 2013
So many updates....
So last night was my pre surgical class. We learned all about the nutrition side of it, the progression of diet, and the risks and what to expect in the hospital. If you weren't nervous about having surgery before this class, you sure would be after.
Now obviously, surgery of any kind has risk and they have to tell you all of the risks, but do they all happen? No. That being said, my husband had a glazed over look when we left and I'm pretty sure he would like me to just cancel. HA!
Today began my 10 days of liquid diet. Up first, cream of wheat with powdered peanut butter in it. Ok, so you would think that would be fairly tasty. Let me tell you, two teaspoons in, I tried to feed it to the dogs and they wouldn't even eat it. Liquid diet 1 - Cody 0. Ok, so it's now like 4 pm and I've effectively had nothing to eat other than the concoction I just mentioned. I'm hungry and crabby. I head to Hy-Vee and load my cart. Atkins protein shakes, only 2 gm of carbs chocolate and strawberry banana. I'm feeling more confident already!
Yogurt, Yoplait light strawberry. The giant containers. Two of them. Woo hoo!
Almond milk, unsweetened. I can do this!
Sugar free jello and sugar free pudding five different flavors. This is getting fun.
Soup. OMG, soup. I got healthy request cream of chicken, tomato, and cream of broccoli. Can't wait to get home and eat.
I carefully measure out my cream of chicken soup and add water to thin it. Heated it up and savored each rich and delicious sip. I honestly think I've died and gone to heaven. I never thought soup could taste so damn good.
Full? No. Satisfied. Yes. I've got this!!! I also bought three flavors of crystal light for my water and bought a case of bottled water because I'm a straw user and that's a no no after surgery. Solution, bottled water. :)
So, this is only day one of the new diet and I know there will be moments when I think "Screw it", and I have to be aware of that so that I don't let those moments ruin me.
It is a new future and a new beginning. I will be healthy and I will be strong. I am excited for the future and the new me and that's not something I've felt before.
Nothing and nobody can ruin it.
Have a great weekend!!
Cody
So last night was my pre surgical class. We learned all about the nutrition side of it, the progression of diet, and the risks and what to expect in the hospital. If you weren't nervous about having surgery before this class, you sure would be after.
Now obviously, surgery of any kind has risk and they have to tell you all of the risks, but do they all happen? No. That being said, my husband had a glazed over look when we left and I'm pretty sure he would like me to just cancel. HA!
Today began my 10 days of liquid diet. Up first, cream of wheat with powdered peanut butter in it. Ok, so you would think that would be fairly tasty. Let me tell you, two teaspoons in, I tried to feed it to the dogs and they wouldn't even eat it. Liquid diet 1 - Cody 0. Ok, so it's now like 4 pm and I've effectively had nothing to eat other than the concoction I just mentioned. I'm hungry and crabby. I head to Hy-Vee and load my cart. Atkins protein shakes, only 2 gm of carbs chocolate and strawberry banana. I'm feeling more confident already!
Yogurt, Yoplait light strawberry. The giant containers. Two of them. Woo hoo!
Almond milk, unsweetened. I can do this!
Sugar free jello and sugar free pudding five different flavors. This is getting fun.
Soup. OMG, soup. I got healthy request cream of chicken, tomato, and cream of broccoli. Can't wait to get home and eat.
I carefully measure out my cream of chicken soup and add water to thin it. Heated it up and savored each rich and delicious sip. I honestly think I've died and gone to heaven. I never thought soup could taste so damn good.
Full? No. Satisfied. Yes. I've got this!!! I also bought three flavors of crystal light for my water and bought a case of bottled water because I'm a straw user and that's a no no after surgery. Solution, bottled water. :)
So, this is only day one of the new diet and I know there will be moments when I think "Screw it", and I have to be aware of that so that I don't let those moments ruin me.
It is a new future and a new beginning. I will be healthy and I will be strong. I am excited for the future and the new me and that's not something I've felt before.
Nothing and nobody can ruin it.
Have a great weekend!!
Cody
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Changes
I am very excited for the changes to come. Tonight I got ready for work and looked in the mirror at this woman with such cute hair and a beautiful face, but the body leaves so much to be desired. It is lumpy and round and, well, just plain large.
I stood there a minute thinking about the changes that will be happening to my body. How will this face and hair look on a thinner me? I am excited to see what the next year brings. The "honeymoon" period as they call it. I am excited to morph into the person I am meant to be. The thinner and healthier me. The one with energy and a smile that lights up a room. The one with the handsome husband who can't take his eyes off her. That will be me!
I hope the person on the inside stays the same. The bubbly, friendly, happy person that makes people laugh and smile. I hope I don't become a skinny bitch. I won't like myself if that happens. I just won't let it happen.
So, we are 22 days to surgery and my excitement is building. I know it will be hard work, but I also know I can do it. I know that the liquid diet will get tedious and stressful, but I have a support team and I have family and I have the dogs and all will help me through it.
Off to work, but more later.
hugs,
Cody
I stood there a minute thinking about the changes that will be happening to my body. How will this face and hair look on a thinner me? I am excited to see what the next year brings. The "honeymoon" period as they call it. I am excited to morph into the person I am meant to be. The thinner and healthier me. The one with energy and a smile that lights up a room. The one with the handsome husband who can't take his eyes off her. That will be me!
I hope the person on the inside stays the same. The bubbly, friendly, happy person that makes people laugh and smile. I hope I don't become a skinny bitch. I won't like myself if that happens. I just won't let it happen.
So, we are 22 days to surgery and my excitement is building. I know it will be hard work, but I also know I can do it. I know that the liquid diet will get tedious and stressful, but I have a support team and I have family and I have the dogs and all will help me through it.
Off to work, but more later.
hugs,
Cody
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Surgery is scheduled
I wanted to post this sooner, but I think blogger was down or my computer at work just won't let me do it. Anyway, my surgery is scheduled for the 16th of December!
I have already scheduled my H&P and my class that I have to take on nutrition, so next is stocking up on things I can have in my 10 day liquid diet phase before surgery and more of the same after. It's funny because I thought liquid diet meant juice and protein shakes and broth, but I can have yogurt and cream of wheat and cream soups. That certainly adds some more variety to it for me. I will do what I am told and will find ways to keep it somewhat interesting. I am not willing to screw this up, so if it gets boring, then so be it.
More to come later. I'm very excited and I can't wait to start my new life.
Cody
I have already scheduled my H&P and my class that I have to take on nutrition, so next is stocking up on things I can have in my 10 day liquid diet phase before surgery and more of the same after. It's funny because I thought liquid diet meant juice and protein shakes and broth, but I can have yogurt and cream of wheat and cream soups. That certainly adds some more variety to it for me. I will do what I am told and will find ways to keep it somewhat interesting. I am not willing to screw this up, so if it gets boring, then so be it.
More to come later. I'm very excited and I can't wait to start my new life.
Cody
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Surgeon's visit is on Tuesday. That is only 3 days away. I'm gathering a list of questions I need to ask him so that I am informed. I know what would happen if I didn't write them down...I would forget them at home.
I have been watching a lot of videos on Youtube that are posted by other people who have had this operation and I have to say, they are mind blowing. Women who are brave enough to show their skin. All of the loose skin that is left after they have reached their goal weight. It will definitely be an adjustment to have loose skin like that and resemble a sharpei, but when I look at the alternative of wearing the bigger clothing and feeling so uncomfortable in my skin now, I know it will be ok. I just can't imagine myself with that flat stomach and the defined muscles and being in a size 7 pants. Wow. It is going to become a reality soon. Crazy.
I can't wait to be able to take Ashleigh (my foster dog) for a run. I loved to run in high school and with all this weight I can't do it. I can't wait to be able to do that again. Ashleigh will love it and I will too.
I bought a weight bench, an elliptical, and a mountain bike recently. My husband set the stuff up in the basement for me so it is like we have our own gym. I can't wait to get started really goin to town on it. It is discouraging right now because I can only be on the elliptical for about 3 minutes before I want to die, but I push myself to go longer. I know eventually I will be able to be on there for an hour, but that's a ways down the road.
I am going to start stocking my cupboards this next week too. I have to get protein shakes and broth and clear sugar free drinks and stuff all lined up so that I'm prepared. I need to pack my hospital bag and make sure my house is ready and that we are stocked up on groceries and dog supplies. Tim is going to be taking the week off when I have surgery so I will have someone here to care for me. I am sure that it will be painful, but also an emotional hit too. You go from being able to eat to being liquid only. I am sure there will be a mourning process. I will get through it. I am prepared. I have Nathan in my corner (my therapist) and I have Tim here and my family and friends. Also, I have the dogs and everyone knows a puppy kiss fixes almost anything.
Hopefully I will get a good surgery date on Tuesday and hopefully it will be for sooner rather than later because I'm antsy. I'm ready to get the show on the road. It's been a long journey so far, but it's been the right way to do it. I don't recommend that anyone get this surgery without a lot of soul searching and a lot of research. Not just research about the procedure, but about living life after. Read other people's blogs, watch their videos, join a support group and talk to people. It is a huge life change and it is one that happens in a matter of minutes and you are thrust into it. It's not like going to the gym and working your way up to the one hour on the cross trainer. It's going to the gym and jumping on for an hour and not being able to go back. It isn't reversible. I go to sleep able to eat a whole steak and I wake up able to drink an ounce of water. Big change. I'm glad I had the time to realize that and all of the other things I've learned along the way.
I will post more later and will be sure to include a surgery date on Tuesday so check back. I noticed a lot of hits on the blog counter, so you are reading it. I appreciate it. I need all the support I can get and to know that you care enough to read this means the world to me. I love you all!
Cody
I have been watching a lot of videos on Youtube that are posted by other people who have had this operation and I have to say, they are mind blowing. Women who are brave enough to show their skin. All of the loose skin that is left after they have reached their goal weight. It will definitely be an adjustment to have loose skin like that and resemble a sharpei, but when I look at the alternative of wearing the bigger clothing and feeling so uncomfortable in my skin now, I know it will be ok. I just can't imagine myself with that flat stomach and the defined muscles and being in a size 7 pants. Wow. It is going to become a reality soon. Crazy.
I can't wait to be able to take Ashleigh (my foster dog) for a run. I loved to run in high school and with all this weight I can't do it. I can't wait to be able to do that again. Ashleigh will love it and I will too.
I bought a weight bench, an elliptical, and a mountain bike recently. My husband set the stuff up in the basement for me so it is like we have our own gym. I can't wait to get started really goin to town on it. It is discouraging right now because I can only be on the elliptical for about 3 minutes before I want to die, but I push myself to go longer. I know eventually I will be able to be on there for an hour, but that's a ways down the road.
I am going to start stocking my cupboards this next week too. I have to get protein shakes and broth and clear sugar free drinks and stuff all lined up so that I'm prepared. I need to pack my hospital bag and make sure my house is ready and that we are stocked up on groceries and dog supplies. Tim is going to be taking the week off when I have surgery so I will have someone here to care for me. I am sure that it will be painful, but also an emotional hit too. You go from being able to eat to being liquid only. I am sure there will be a mourning process. I will get through it. I am prepared. I have Nathan in my corner (my therapist) and I have Tim here and my family and friends. Also, I have the dogs and everyone knows a puppy kiss fixes almost anything.
Hopefully I will get a good surgery date on Tuesday and hopefully it will be for sooner rather than later because I'm antsy. I'm ready to get the show on the road. It's been a long journey so far, but it's been the right way to do it. I don't recommend that anyone get this surgery without a lot of soul searching and a lot of research. Not just research about the procedure, but about living life after. Read other people's blogs, watch their videos, join a support group and talk to people. It is a huge life change and it is one that happens in a matter of minutes and you are thrust into it. It's not like going to the gym and working your way up to the one hour on the cross trainer. It's going to the gym and jumping on for an hour and not being able to go back. It isn't reversible. I go to sleep able to eat a whole steak and I wake up able to drink an ounce of water. Big change. I'm glad I had the time to realize that and all of the other things I've learned along the way.
I will post more later and will be sure to include a surgery date on Tuesday so check back. I noticed a lot of hits on the blog counter, so you are reading it. I appreciate it. I need all the support I can get and to know that you care enough to read this means the world to me. I love you all!
Cody
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Welcome. This blog will serve as both a way for my family and friends to see how I'm doing when I maybe don't feel like talking or I don't check in like I should and also as my journal since I hate hand writing things because I get so long winded and then I end up with a sore arm.
As many people know, I am having bariatric surgery to help me lose weight. I've gotten a lot of positive comments from friends who are super supportive and excited for me and then there are the others who are quick to judge and feel that this isn't the way to go. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and this isn't the way that everyone should go about losing weight. I don't get upset or angry about the negative opinions and I know that it is probably just the beginning.
This will likely be a long post because it is my first and I have so many things running through my mind this morning. I've been reading a lot of other blogs by people who have taken this journey and they have caused more questions than answers but I think that is a good thing.
I've been horribly emotional this past few days. I'm not sure if that is because this journey of almost a year so far is really just beginning or if it is because I have fears about the future or what it is. I know, if I have fears, why am I doing this? Well, it's not the kind of fear you would think of. I'm not scared of the pain of surgery or the risks, I'm fearful of the person I will become and the changes in my social groups and the risk of losing friends. I'm fearful of not being the "funny girl" who is able to joke and laugh at things. I'm scared that I won't be able to buy clothes that I like or that I won't fit in at family gatherings because I will be the one eating a tiny amount while everyone else is loading up on seconds or that people will just not invite me out for lunches or dinners because I "can't eat". Sounds silly, but for some people, this is what happens.
I am excited too because I know that soon I will be able to jog and then eventually RUN again. I will be able to ride in an airplane and not have to sheepishly ask for a seatbelt extender. I will be able to fit in cute clothing and will be able to look at myself in the mirror, and instead of feeling like a fat failure, I will be in awe of how far I've come. I will be able to sit on my husbands lap again and will be able to cross my legs. I will be able to ride a bicycle and go for long walks with my dogs. I will be able to fit into a booth at a restaurant or bar and won't feel wedged in or fearful that I won't fit at all. I will be able to use a public restroom (ok, not really a bonus), but I will be able to do it without worrying that the toilet isn't going to fall off the wall. I will be able to put on my shoes without breaking a sweat and having to hold my breath. I will be able to wear a pretty dress and see my husband look at me like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I will be able to live again.
Now, to those of you who will say "she's taking the EASY way out of weight loss" I want to point out the risks and then you can tell me if it is still something you feel is EASY. The surgery I have chosen is the roux-en-y gastric bypass surgery. This comes with the normal surgical risks of excessive bleeding, infection, blood clots, pneumonia, not being able to do it via laparoscopy, the risk of the anesthesia, and much more. This operation specifically re-routes your intestines, re-sizes your stomach, reduces the amount of calories and nutrients your body absorbs, runs the risk of dehydration, can lead to bowel obstructions, limits the foods you can eat, and is not by any means fool proof. I must still exercise and I must still choose healthy foods to eat. This isn't a cake and cheeseburger and still lose weight diet. It is a "go ahead and eat some cake and suffer the dumping syndrome and be miserable" diet. It is a week and a half of pain from a major operation and then working for the rest of my life to reach and maintain goal. Easy? Not a chance. That is the one opinion that I am NOT ok with.
I have tried losing weight the regular ways. Weight watchers, the gym for over a year and six days a week for no less than an hour and a half a day. Counting calories. Starving myself. Nothing helped me lose any significant numbers. What I did lose, I put right back on.
I have to say, I have been in the program for almost a year. I started this last December and the psychological evaluation is what stopped it for me and made it a longer process. My therapist did not feel that I was a good candidate at the time and I was pissed. Little did I know that what he was actually giving me was a gift...the gift of time. Time to research more. Time to learn. Time to prepare. Time to gather recipes and talk to previous patients and to make sure I was ready for this extreme change in my daily life. There isn't a single day that this surgery won't affect me and the way I live.
I should be taking my "before" pictures. I just can't bring myself to get in front of the camera wearing only my underwear and a smile. It is hard enough seeing myself in the mirror, but to have a photo of myself? Ugh. Not a pleasant thought. I will get it done, but I'm not thrilled.
I meet with my surgeon next Tuesday, the 19th of November, at 11:15 am. I am beyond nervous. Is he going to want me in my unders and a paper gown? Will I have to let a man see me without clothing on to cover up my body? OMG, I rarely, if ever, let my own husband see me that way. So vulnerable. I know it is another necessary thing I've got to do if I want to forge ahead so I will just suck it up and do it.
I am inviting you, if you're reading this, to follow my progress and my journey. I will continue to post as I have information or inspiration or even a bad day. I hope you'll leave comments and I hope you'll be fair and kind.
OK, this is all I've got for now. I will always be CODY. I will just be a better version of me. :)
Hugs and love.
As many people know, I am having bariatric surgery to help me lose weight. I've gotten a lot of positive comments from friends who are super supportive and excited for me and then there are the others who are quick to judge and feel that this isn't the way to go. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and this isn't the way that everyone should go about losing weight. I don't get upset or angry about the negative opinions and I know that it is probably just the beginning.
This will likely be a long post because it is my first and I have so many things running through my mind this morning. I've been reading a lot of other blogs by people who have taken this journey and they have caused more questions than answers but I think that is a good thing.
I've been horribly emotional this past few days. I'm not sure if that is because this journey of almost a year so far is really just beginning or if it is because I have fears about the future or what it is. I know, if I have fears, why am I doing this? Well, it's not the kind of fear you would think of. I'm not scared of the pain of surgery or the risks, I'm fearful of the person I will become and the changes in my social groups and the risk of losing friends. I'm fearful of not being the "funny girl" who is able to joke and laugh at things. I'm scared that I won't be able to buy clothes that I like or that I won't fit in at family gatherings because I will be the one eating a tiny amount while everyone else is loading up on seconds or that people will just not invite me out for lunches or dinners because I "can't eat". Sounds silly, but for some people, this is what happens.
I am excited too because I know that soon I will be able to jog and then eventually RUN again. I will be able to ride in an airplane and not have to sheepishly ask for a seatbelt extender. I will be able to fit in cute clothing and will be able to look at myself in the mirror, and instead of feeling like a fat failure, I will be in awe of how far I've come. I will be able to sit on my husbands lap again and will be able to cross my legs. I will be able to ride a bicycle and go for long walks with my dogs. I will be able to fit into a booth at a restaurant or bar and won't feel wedged in or fearful that I won't fit at all. I will be able to use a public restroom (ok, not really a bonus), but I will be able to do it without worrying that the toilet isn't going to fall off the wall. I will be able to put on my shoes without breaking a sweat and having to hold my breath. I will be able to wear a pretty dress and see my husband look at me like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. I will be able to live again.
Now, to those of you who will say "she's taking the EASY way out of weight loss" I want to point out the risks and then you can tell me if it is still something you feel is EASY. The surgery I have chosen is the roux-en-y gastric bypass surgery. This comes with the normal surgical risks of excessive bleeding, infection, blood clots, pneumonia, not being able to do it via laparoscopy, the risk of the anesthesia, and much more. This operation specifically re-routes your intestines, re-sizes your stomach, reduces the amount of calories and nutrients your body absorbs, runs the risk of dehydration, can lead to bowel obstructions, limits the foods you can eat, and is not by any means fool proof. I must still exercise and I must still choose healthy foods to eat. This isn't a cake and cheeseburger and still lose weight diet. It is a "go ahead and eat some cake and suffer the dumping syndrome and be miserable" diet. It is a week and a half of pain from a major operation and then working for the rest of my life to reach and maintain goal. Easy? Not a chance. That is the one opinion that I am NOT ok with.
I have tried losing weight the regular ways. Weight watchers, the gym for over a year and six days a week for no less than an hour and a half a day. Counting calories. Starving myself. Nothing helped me lose any significant numbers. What I did lose, I put right back on.
I have to say, I have been in the program for almost a year. I started this last December and the psychological evaluation is what stopped it for me and made it a longer process. My therapist did not feel that I was a good candidate at the time and I was pissed. Little did I know that what he was actually giving me was a gift...the gift of time. Time to research more. Time to learn. Time to prepare. Time to gather recipes and talk to previous patients and to make sure I was ready for this extreme change in my daily life. There isn't a single day that this surgery won't affect me and the way I live.
I should be taking my "before" pictures. I just can't bring myself to get in front of the camera wearing only my underwear and a smile. It is hard enough seeing myself in the mirror, but to have a photo of myself? Ugh. Not a pleasant thought. I will get it done, but I'm not thrilled.
I meet with my surgeon next Tuesday, the 19th of November, at 11:15 am. I am beyond nervous. Is he going to want me in my unders and a paper gown? Will I have to let a man see me without clothing on to cover up my body? OMG, I rarely, if ever, let my own husband see me that way. So vulnerable. I know it is another necessary thing I've got to do if I want to forge ahead so I will just suck it up and do it.
I am inviting you, if you're reading this, to follow my progress and my journey. I will continue to post as I have information or inspiration or even a bad day. I hope you'll leave comments and I hope you'll be fair and kind.
OK, this is all I've got for now. I will always be CODY. I will just be a better version of me. :)
Hugs and love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)